Can I Just Say...

I am so tired of piano recitals. The idea sounds nice: a time to celebrate and show what you've accomplished. In reality however, uncontrollable elements make it so that I despise piano recitals. My legs start shaking out of control and my hands slide right off the keys. And with times like today where I'm stupid enough to think I should add singing to my performance (which was actually all right, I can handle vocal control much better than finger control) combined with nerves that cannot be controlled it's just awful. Not that anyone is going to tell me that of course.

But you see, that's where the difference lies. The audience doesn't know the piece like I do. They can't tell what is an obvious flaw to me apart from an odd sounding note. They don't see the shaking (although I find that hard to believe!) or hear the squeaks in my voice. They're just going to tell me it was "beautiful." Whatever. I still know.

It's funny how I can sing in front of my entire church whenever I lead worship with my Dad and not be nervous at all and than get incredibly "nervous" (in quotes because I can't control it) at a piano recital. Something to ponder...

I hate caring so much about it. That's what's really hard I think. To everyone else I'm just another performer that evening; but to me it's whether I did the piece justice or not. At home that's easy, not at a recital.

Oh well. Not much I can do about it now except move on to my next piece.

And for those wondering tonight I played The Call by Regina Spektor, which is from PC.

Why oh why do recitals always have to be during exam time?!?

Grrr.....

Ok I'm done.

~Firefly~